if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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