I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
