Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
