I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
