You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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