You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
