Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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