My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
