So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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