Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
