So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
