so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize