I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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