i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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