Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
