Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
how do you play pong handcuffed?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I need to sanitize my soul.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
