Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
