Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i drank out of a bidet.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
