I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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