Pants 0. Shit 1.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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