when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
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