i would punch a child for taco bell
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
