I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
