You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
