last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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