we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
What drink are we having for lunch?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
