My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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