I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
