I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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