We named our party play list daddy issues
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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