its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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