The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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