We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
