I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
