yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
