somebody snuck up and got me drunk
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
