I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
