did you get engaged???
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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