He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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