I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
