I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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