if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
