you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
