How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
