Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
