Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
