Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Every concussion has its silver lining
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
