Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Randomize
