oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
