I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I think i peed on brittanys purse
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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