He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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