I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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