I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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