if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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