I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
