Don't you send me to vm
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
