so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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