...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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