I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Small penises have feelings too.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
