The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
