dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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