You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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