Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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