After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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