i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
