I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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