I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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