My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
