Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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