I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
