i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
