i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
