Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
