I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
