I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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