I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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