It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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