I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
