Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
