dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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