she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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