i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
