My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
