he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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