My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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