I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
operation harelip BJ is a go
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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