Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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