We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
This is the high leading the old right now
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
