I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
