hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
