So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
