you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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