My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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