nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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