Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize