Your dad touched me again.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
