I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
