Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
