That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
