can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize