Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
