They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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