i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
