thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize