Pappa wants mamma naked
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
