I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
