My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
