Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
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