I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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