Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize