Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
