i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
